A coffee a day will keep the crabby away.

That’s because countless observations have revealed coffee’s ability to help maintain personal balance, focus, and outward contentment by eradicating all malaise of the attitude. From the element of caffeine to the abundant flavors and their complimentary nature to a variety of settings, coffee is, without a doubt, medicine for the soul.

DIRECTIONS: Consume one 8-ounce cup of black coffee (no sugar) within 30 minutes of your morning alarm’s cheery chimes. Additional cups may be consumed throughout the morning as needed, with or without food. Warning: Do not exceed five cups in a 24-hour period. Please consult a physician if, after consuming coffee, you experience heart palpitations, day sweats, or nonsensical babbling. Consuming no coffee at all could result in fits of irritation otherwise known as the Jekyll-and-Hyde Effect, an unpredictable malady affecting those around you by rendering the lottery a safer bet than not getting yelled at. If you discover that your coffee supply has been depleted, find the nearest coffee shop posthaste: do not eat, do not stop for red lights, and avoid people at all costs (except when ordering). A double shot of espresso may be substituted for 8 ounces of black coffee, if time is a factor.

Joe Blend, a three-cup-per-day coffee drinker for over 20 years: “I’ve found the beverage to be perfectly delightful. Although I’m already a morning person, I’m still drawn to the magical beans. I’m an early riser who wakes up around 6:30-7 a.m. on weekends, so my java is an extra jolt that jump-starts my day while keeping me alert during those early morning hours. When I combine that with the variety of delicious flavors and health benefits, coffee becomes a true no-brainer for me!”

If you care about yourself and the people around you, drink coffee. You won’t be mean with the power of the bean!

© 2017 Joe Blend. All rights reserved.

This entry was posted in: Humor


I observe life through steaming coffee and an energized imagination. When that's coupled with my rich background in writing, visual communication, and concept development, I become a barista of words and art. A craftsman of communication. Someone who combines creative thought with meaningful substance in order to provide a rich reading experience that caffeinates the brain space.