All posts filed under: Humor

COFFEE, AS SEEN ON WEB MD

A coffee a day will keep the crabby away. That’s because countless observations have revealed coffee’s ability to help maintain personal balance, focus, and outward contentment by eradicating all malaise of the attitude. From the element of caffeine to the abundant flavors and their complimentary nature to a variety of settings, coffee is, without a doubt, medicine for the soul. DIRECTIONS: Consume one 8-ounce cup of black coffee (no sugar) within 30 minutes of your morning alarm’s cheery chimes. Additional cups may be consumed throughout the morning as needed, with or without food. Warning: Do not exceed five cups in a 24-hour period. Please consult a physician if, after consuming coffee, you experience heart palpitations, day sweats, or nonsensical babbling. Consuming no coffee at all could result in fits of irritation otherwise known as the Jekyll-and-Hyde Effect, an unpredictable malady affecting those around you by rendering the lottery a safer bet than not getting yelled at. If you discover that your coffee supply has been depleted, find the nearest coffee shop posthaste: do not eat, do not stop for …

On Shakespeare and Hallways | A 2-oz. Read | Joe Blend

ON SHAKESPEARE & HALLWAYS

“Pardon me…I know I am a meager office peasant but thou cluelessly standeth betwixt me and fair hallway. Would thou care to move thy hind carriage so I may venture onward to Cubicle-shire?” Many years ago, I worked in an office and like many professional environments, it was adjacent to a lobby and accompanying elevators. What I found most frustrating was the idle chatter that seemed to always develop just as an elevator reached its next stop. Because that chatter would sustain itself, despite the elevator doors opening and more people attempting to enter. Of course, there I was, just a simple office minion trying to make his way back to the cube farm…and there they were—gabbing away—even though elevator doors do not wait forever, and time stops for no one. I was a writer then too so naturally, I turned a negative into a positive, ergo, the short and slightly snarky jewel of prose above. Enjoy! © 2017 Joe Blend. All rights reserved.